Eurovision time again.

[Heid the Ba]

Australia is still in Europe, though I'm not sure if they made it through the semi-finals. I caught some of the second semi-final last night, the highlights were a very camp intro song and dance number by the Swedish hosts and a naked Belorussian singing to a wolf. It is apparently being shown live in the US for the first time, no idea what channel.

Edit to add: Enjoy!

[Heid the Ba]

Australia made it, the finalists are: UK, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, the "Big Five" who bankroll the thing, Sweden as hosts and Latvia, Georgia, Bulgaria, Australia, Ukraine, Serbia, Poland, Israel, Lithuania, Belgium, Azerbaijan, Russia, The Netherlands, Hungary, Croatia, Malta, Austria, Armenia, Czech Republic and Cyprus as qualifiers.

Sadly there will be no naked Belorussian singing to a wolf.

[Heid the Ba]

It begins!

The Swedish hosts are hilarious, two minutes in and they're rocking it.

Edit to add;
Female host: Months of rehearsals will be over in a few hours, you know what that means?
Male host: I can eat carbs again?

Female host: Such a great audience and so respectful. At the party last night none of the men came on to me. Was it the same for you?
Male host: *sheepish look*

Edit: for the avoidance of doubt, the audience is 95% gay men.

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Belgium: 19 year old in Bacofoil sings generic pop song, sounds a bit like her that sang that song about that thing.

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Czech: in the finals for the first time, Euro power ballad, sings like Kelly Clarkson's Mitteleuropa cousin, key change in 10, 9, 8 . . .

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Netherlands: oddly country western ballad, with 10 seconds of dead air in the middle.

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Azerbaijan: Kardashian-a-like in a sparkly cat suit, something, something, something. Blander than a bland thing.Slightly strident.

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Hungary: singing phonetically, bloke in a t-shirt, three whistling backing singers and a drummer with a big drum on a stand. This will crash and burn.

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Italy: singing in Italian, which is never a good start, could actually do well. Good sparkly dungarees.

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Israel: Red Sea Pedestrian with a "Flock of Seagulls" haircut in angst ridden toss. Top 5.

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Bulgaria: heavily accented English from a blonde with a sideshave, illuminated knee pads and flesh coloured body suit. And there was a song.

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Sweden: 12 year old making sure Sweden don't win again. My lovely horse.

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Germany: sorry Arneb but your lassie is trying too hard to be Bjork. She has never seen a gimmick she didn't like.

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France: a singing dentist. Nice teeth and no talent.

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Poland: long hair and dodgy beard, angst, oh the angst. This could win. Big key change at the end.

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Australia: K-pop girl sings Oz-pop song. Good singer, it would be hilarious if she won. Probably the best singer in the competition.

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Cyprus: the evening's first rock band. Hair, guitars and phonetic English. They're no Lordi. Shit, but will beat us.

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Serbia: Anunciation, oh the anunciation. A song about domestic abuse, with a dancing bloke in huge trousers. Maybe that is how they do it in Serbia, leave plenty of room in the Balkans. Key change coming, soon, soon . . . KEY CHANGE!

[Heid the Ba]

Lithuania: Live! From the 1980s! Some bloke in a white jacket. He'll hoover up the Baltic States vote, top 10 despite it all.

[Lance]

Watch on youtube.com

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Croatia: shouty, strident bleach blonde.

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Russia: oh my giddy aunt! God's Holy trousers! They threw everything at that, the Russian defence industry have been working on this for months.

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Spain: another side shave, another sparkly dress.

[Heid the Ba]

Crazy is the new black.

[Lance]

WTF are we watching?