Illuminati-R-Us

I’m late to the party as I’m just back from the theatre having watched the stage version of Cleudo. Nonsense. Absolute nonsense. UK was by the numbers toss. Poland, eh, sub Michael Bolton. Serbia now. Srebrinica without the laughs.

Estonia. He’s got a guitar and is in search of key change. Sepia tones! English with an accent! Work that camera, sing that song, do that thing!

Ok, I’m not drunk enough for this, despite the house red in the King’s Theatre.

Oh, and Oz was on when I came in, bloke with a shiny mask. I have no recollection of the song.

Oh it’s the roundup
Czech - noise, Mitteleuropa noise.
Romania - gypsy nonsense
Portugal - angst with pigtails
Finland- Lordi light
Switzerland - kill me now
France - Euro-noise, actually ok.
Norge - that was something
Armenia - can I hear Switzerland again please?
Italy- cat in a mangle
Spain - actually this is a cat in a mangle
Netherlands - blonde angst
Ukraine - fucking nonsense on a stick
Germany - C&W with spangles
Lithuania - sparkly, very bland and sparkly
Azerbaijan - not actually in Europe
Belgium - bring back Johnny Halliday
Greece - fucking noise
Iceland - bland toss
Moldova - whimsical toss
Sweden - sparkly blonde angst

Manneskin filing in time. This could be the song they won with, or not. I don’t remember and you can’t make me care.

Mika is one of the presenters, fifty points for anyone who can name any of his singles.

More Manneskin, this might be ther song from last year, or not. He sings in English like I sing in Italian. Fuck, was that an Elvis song?

Another roundup, I hadn’t realised quite how hatstand Norge is.

Can I upgrade Iceland to bland toss in cowboy hats?

Fuck this, I’m out. I’m not sitting through eleventy hours of voting.

Shitting pissflaps, who is voting for our toss?

How did “My Lovely Horse” do?

We missed some of them, including Germany, which I see was saved from complete oblivion by the public vote. I should find it on You Tube. That the Serbian entry got to 5th place demonstrates the full weirdness of Eurovision. But glad to see that Portugal made it to the top 10 - although true, you either like fado or you don't.

And Moldova was fun, though provocative. Apparently they were told to change the lyrics in the earlier stages but clearly changed them back for the final, including "two countries, one country".

I had to watch it the following morning...... sober! Holy balls, it wasn’t easy. Everything was shit, far too many dull songs. Only Moldova seemed to realise it was Eurovision, I’d have voted for them if I’d watched it live and had a couple of refreshments to help me through it all.

Heid the Ba wrote:Shitting pissflaps, who is voting for our toss?

I was wondering that too. The guy is going to be at Belladrum in a few weeks so I could see if I could hit him with an accurately thrown pie if that helps. Otherwise, I have no plans to go anywhere near his performance.

Turns out neither did he. He was at the festival but couldn’t perform for unspecified reasons. The quite excellent Peat & Diesel were last minute replacements. Huzzah!

P&D are a much better option.

Oh absolutely.