TOYS OF THE GODS

[Philip]

IF RELIGION DEALT WITH TOYS

CAPITALISM: HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS, WINS.
HARI KRISHNA: HE WHO PLAYS WITH THE MOST TOYS, WINS.
CATHOLICISM: HE WHO DENIES HIMSELF THE MOST TOYS, WINS.
ANGLICAN: THEY WERE OUR TOYS FIRST.
GREEK ORTHODOX: NO, THEY WERE OURS FIRST.
BRANCH DAVIDIANS: HE WHO DIES PLAYING WITH THE BIGGEST TOYS, WINS.
ATHEISM: THERE IS NO TOY MAKER.
POLYTHEISM: THERE ARE MANY TOY MAKERS.
EVOLUTIONISM: THE TOYS MADE THEMSELVES.
CHURCH OF CHRIST, SCIENTIST: WE ARE THE TOYS.
COMMUNISM: EVERYONE GETS THE SAME NUMBER OF TOYS, AND YOU GO STRAIGHT TO HELL IF WE CATCH YOU SELLING YOURS.
B'HAI: ALL TOYS ARE JUST FINE WITH US.
AMISH: TOYS WITH BATTERIES ARE SURELY A SIN.
TAOISM: THE DOLL IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE DUMP TRUCK.
MORMONISM: EVERY BOY CAN HAVE AS MANY TOYS AS HE WANTS.
VOODOO: LET ME BORROW THAT DOLL FOR A SECOND.
HEDONISM: TO HECK WITH THE RULEBOOK!? LET'S PLAY!
HINDUISM: HE WHO PLAYS WITH BAGS OF PLASTIC FARM ANIMALS, LOSES.
7TH DAY ADVENTIST: HE WHO PLAYS WITH HIS TOYS ON SATURDAY, LOSES.
CHURCH OF CHRIST: HE WHOSE TOYS MAKE MUSIC, LOSES.
BAPTIST: ONCE PLAYED, ALWAYS PLAYED.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: HE WHO SELLS THE MOST TOYS DOOR-TO-DOOR, WINS.
PENTECOSTALISM: HE WHOSE TOYS CAN TALK, WINS.
EXISTENTIALISM: TOYS ARE A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
CONFUCIANISM: ONCE A TOY IS DIPPED IN THE WATER, IT IS NO LONGER DRY.
NON-DENOMINATIONALISM: WE DON'T CARE WHERE THE TOYS CAME FROM, LET'S JUST PLAY WITH THEM.
AGNOSTICISM: IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO KNOW WHETHER TOYS MAKE A BIT OF DIFFERENCE.
APATHY: TOYS? WHAT DO I NEED TOYS FOR?
JUDAISM: I'M SELLING. YOU BUYING?
FIRST KINKY CHURCH: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE GOT TOYS.
FIRST AMERICAN CHURCH: WE PLAY ONLY WITH COWBOY TOYS.
CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY: TOYS 'R US.

[Lonewulf]

Since when was Capitalism, Communism, evolutionism, and Apathy a religion...? (Agnosticism and Atheism aren't religions either, but I can see including them in the list... Apathy too, I suppose)

[Мастер]

Since when was Capitalism, Communism, evolutionism, and Apathy a religion...? (Agnosticism and Atheism aren't religions either, but I can see including them in the list... Apathy too, I suppose)

What is your definition of "religion"?

[Lonewulf]

What I use "religion" for:

re·li·gion Audio pronunciation of "religion" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-ljn)
n.

1.
a. Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe.
b. A personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship.
2. The life or condition of a person in a religious order.

I don't usually use "religion" to mean 3 and 4, which are:

3. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader.
4. A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.

4 might define Communism and Capitalism, but I don't usually think of ecnomic and government set-up to be a "religion".

I don't consider Atheism, Agnosticism, or Apathy to be religions since they are simply lacking in belief, as opposed to being part of a religious set-up. Thus, they're not "religions", just a lack of religion. However, I can still understand them being on the list.

[Lance]

4 might define Communism and Capitalism, but I don't usually think of ecnomic and government set-up to be a "religion".

Well, there is precedent for this. Think of the Pharaohs who were considered gods, or the rulers of ancient Rome.

[Lonewulf]

There's a difference between someone being in charge, and someone being in charge because they're believed to be divine or are given power by divine charge.

Furthermore, Capitalism and Communism may involve how the government operates, but they do not describe a leadership system. You can have a republic that practices communism, and you may have a dictatorship. Same with Capitalism. You could have Capitalism under a monarchy, under a dictatorship, and under a democracy.

(What we have right now is mostly Capitalism and a little bit of Socialism, though people do not seem to realize it...)